


Quack Crack Paddy Whack

by gluedwithgold



Series: But They're Brothers! [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blow Jobs, Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, PWP, Ridiculous, Teasing, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 11:19:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5783407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluedwithgold/pseuds/gluedwithgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean...is a duck.</p><p>Crackfic born out of a ridiculous conversation that started with a typo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quack Crack Paddy Whack

“Hate witches. I fucking  _ hate _ witches!” Dean cursed and yelled, wriggling where he was trapped under Sam’s arm, his feathers definitely ruffled. 

“Cool it, Dean. I’m gonna drop you if you don’t hold still.” Sam tightened his hold on his brother. He was playing at being annoyed, but inside he was laughing. 

“Sam, I’m a freakin’ DUCK! Feathers! A beak! And you want me to calm down?” Dean tried to stretch his wings out, flap at his brother, but he was securely pinned between Sam’s bicep and chest. “FUCK!”

“We’ll figure it out, man. We’ll get you changed back.” Sam was having a hard time keeping his face contorted in irritation, the corners of his mouth trying to sneak upward with every word. “We just need to get back to the motel and I’ll research it. We’ll have you back to normal soon, I promise.” 

Sam picked up his pace as the underbrush of the woods cleared out, making his way back to the road and the Impala. They’d managed to kill the witch at her cottage deep in the forest, but not before she let loose with one last spell, hitting Dean square in the chest and instantly transforming him. Even though Dean’s reaction to the situation was amusing, Sam really was concerned for his brother and needed to get back and find a reversal spell as soon as possible. It was just ten more minutes of fast-paced walking before they broke through the trees and stood in front of the car. 

“Oh, man...my baby...Sam, I can’t drive my baby!” Dean said, miserably turning his tiny head up toward Sam. 

“Hey, I know there’s no dogs in the car, what about ducks?” Sam couldn’t help it. He’d resisted all the way through the woods and it just wouldn’t stay down any more - he started chuckling. 

“Sam!” Dean squawked, then leaned over and nipped at Sam’s chest with his beak. 

“Ow! Son of a bitch!” Sam yelled, rubbing the spot with his free hand. “That was my nipple, Dean!”

“Serves you right. Now put me in the damn car!” Dean mumbled a string of curses as Sam opened the passenger door and set his brother down on the seat before running around to the driver’s side. 

“Shit that hurt, Dean!” Sam said, still rubbing his sore nipple. “And before you say it, no that was not foreplay!”

“C’mon Sammy, bet this bill would feel good in your…”

“NO!” Sam cast a glare over at Dean, then gripped the wheel tightly as he returned his focus to the road. 

They drove back to the motel mostly in silence, with Dean smoothing his feathers with his beak. Sam only made one joke about preening - after Dean’s beak came too close to his balls for comfort he managed to keep his comments, however funny, to himself. 

Two hours into his research Sam turned from his laptop to watch as Dean paced - or rather, waddled - back and forth across the floor behind him. 

“Dean, please try to relax - I’m getting there, okay?” Dean sighed loudly as he settled down on the floor, tucking his webbed feet underneath him. The sound that came out with his sigh was...unmistakably a honk. “Dude, did you just quack?” 

“Shut up, Sam!” Dean glared up at his brother before tucking his beak under a wing and letting his eyes fall closed, trying to slow his breathing and calm down. He was only able to stay like that for a few minutes before he started fidgeting again. “Hey, Sam?” 

“Yeah Dean?”

“I think...well...I need to take a bath.” 

“A bath?” Sam turned back around to look down at his brother, eyes wide. “Wait, do you…?”

“Yes, dammit! Okay, yes!” Dean hopped up and waddled toward the bathroom.  “I need to swim, now will you just fill the tub for me?” 

“Okay, sure Dean.” Sam stood and headed for the bathroom, one hand covering his mouth to hide the grin he couldn’t hold back. He filled the tub deep enough for Dean to be able to paddle around, then went back to his laptop. Twenty minutes later he was up again, darting toward his brother in the tub when Dean let loose with a loud string of cursing. 

“Jesus! Quack! Fuck! QUACK!” 

“Dean? What’s wrong?” 

“Sammy, it’s…” Dean looked up at Sam, his eyes wide, horrified almost.  _ “It’s twisted!” _

“What’s twis…. Oh.” Sam looked away from his brother, wrangling the smile off his face. “Dean, ducks have...well, corkscrew genitalia.” 

“What? WHY?” 

“It’s because...okay, ducks mate for life. And to make it more difficult for a female to be impregnated by another male, they have corkscrew shaped oviducts. They twist the opposite direction as the male’s penis, and have dead end sacs where the penis gets caught and the sperm can’t get to the eggs.”

“Okay, that’s just stupid. And why do you know that? Friggin’ geek.” 

“ _ You _ asked. And anyway, why were you…” 

“I got bored, okay?” 

“Dude, you couldn’t wait? I mean, I’m more than willing to help with your...little...problem once we get this straightened out…”

“Is that a crack, Sam? Is that a crack about my corkscrew dick?!” 

Sam couldn’t help it, he just erupted in laughter. He hadn’t intended to tease Dean about the shape of his current penis (just the size) but since the pun was already out there he might as well enjoy it. He looked down at Dean’s glare - only slightly less intimidating coming from his beady black eyes - and pulled himself together, shoving the laughter down again. 

“Dean, it’s...it’s a normal…” Sam burst out laughing again, he couldn’t help it. “Duck dick.” 

Dean let out a loud huff, his frustration obvious as he flapped his wings, splashing water up over the edge of the tub. Sam just rolled his eyes as he turned from the bathroom, still laughing, leaving Dean to his swimming and whatever else he wanted to do to amuse himself. It was just an hour later when he finally found the right spell, then ducked out of the motel room to gather the ingredients from the trunk of the Impala. He made quick work of assembling the compound, spreading it on Dean’s feathers and saying the incantation over him. 

“Okay Dean, it says it should only take an hour before you turn back. I’m going to go get some dinner. You want the television on?” 

“Yeah, thanks.” Dean sigh-quacked as he settled in on the floor in front of one of the beds while Sam found an action movie on TV for him before grabbing his jacket and reaching for the door. “Hey Sam?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks, for, y’know.” 

“Don’t mention it.” Sam smiled warmly at his brother before heading out. He was only gone for half an hour, no change in Dean when he got back, so he sat at the table eating his salad and listening to Dean grumble about being hungry and how there was no way he was eating duck food, whatever the hell that was. After finishing his dinner, Sam settled on the bed to watch the movie, but soon after there was a cloud of white smoke drifting up from the floor. He sat up to watch as the mist enveloped his brother’s feathered body, then cleared, leaving behind his human-shaped brother, naked, smeared with the gray herbal paste and...hard as a rock. He couldn’t help chuckling as he watched Dean stretching his limbs where he sat on the floor. 

“Dude, was being a duck a turn on, or what?” 

“What?” Dean said, looking down at himself. “Not like I could do anything with it when all I had were wings!” 

“Okay, okay!” Sam laughed, holding up his hands in surrender. “Go shower and wash that paste off...I’m not taking care of that with you smelling like  _ that _ .” 

Dean’s mouth fell open, offended, until he turned his nose to his shoulder and sniffed. He shrugged, then got up and headed for the bathroom. Ten minutes later he strolled back out, clean and still hard. He kneeled on the foot of the bed, crawling up between Sam’s legs until they were face to face. 

“Better?” Dean asked, not waiting for an answer before pressing his lips against Sam’s, kissing him hard, their lips opening after just a moment, tongues slipping out to twine together. Dean’s hips started rolling forward, pressing his hard cock against the warm, soft denim of Sam’s jeans and feeling the hard line of Sam’s dick trapped underneath. Sam’s hands came up to Dean’s hips, slowly moving upward, coming to rest on the rounded curves of his shoulders, his fingers digging in while a low moan escaped his throat. They were both slightly breathless when they broke the kiss, heads pulling away just enough so they could look into each other’s eyes. 

“Sorry for teasing you,” Sam said, voice barely above a whisper. He leaned forward just enough to quickly kiss Dean’s lips once more. 

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t have been able to resist it either.” Dean said, a smirk turning up the corners of his mouth. “You can make it up to me, though.” 

Sam hummed, his own mouth widening into a grin. He pushed at Dean’s shoulders, turning him off his body and over onto the bed, flat on his back. He leaned over, pressing his lips to Dean’s neck, one hand coming up to card through his short hair, the other sliding down run along his firm thigh. He sucked and licked at Dean’s skin, moving slowly downward from his neck, giving the same treatment to his collarbone and on down to his pec. He slowed down when he reached Dean’s nipple, flicking at the little nub until it hardened under his tongue and low moans were erupting from Dean’s mouth. He sucked the nipple up between his lips then, his tongue still working across it with quick, hard strokes. He let his teeth fall, tugging gently at first, listening to Dean’s moaning grow louder before tightening his grip and pulling harder. 

“Ow, dude! What the hell?” Dean gasped out, his hand flying up to Sam’s shoulder, pushing him away. 

“THAT,” Sam said, looking up at Dean and chuckling, “is for your beak.” 

“Oh, whatever...keep going.” Dean slid his hand around the back of Sam’s head, fingers wrapping around his long hair and pushing his head back down. 

Sam let out another chuckle before returning his mouth to Dean’s chest. Done playing around, he soothed over Dean’s now-red nipple with a soft tongue before moving downward again, licking a long line down Dean’s stomach. He teased just a little at Dean’s hip before inching toward center, drawing a slow, wet line up the length of his cock before sucking the head in between his lips, pulling a gasp from Dean’s mouth, his hand tightening in Sam’s hair. Sam worked his tongue over the bitter-tasting slit that had filled with precome, a low hum escaping his own throat at the taste. After a few firm rotations of his tongue around the head of Dean’s cock, Sam started taking him down further, hollowing his cheeks and increasing the suction. He sucked him in then pulled off to flick his tongue over the slit, then pulled him in again, down a little further each time until Dean started writhing under him, his hips trying to buck up and force himself deeper into Sam’s mouth. 

“Oh, fuck...yeah, that’s it, Sammy,” Dean said, one hand gripping at the sheet next to him, the other tugging at Sam’s hair tangled up in his fingers. Sam started moving faster then, bobbing up and down on Dean’s cock while Dean’s hips finally let loose and started meeting the motions with his own thrusts. It only took a few more minutes before Dean was coming undone, panting and cursing as his cock slid in and out of Sam’s mouth. 

“Oh shit...oh god, Sam...oh God...I’m gonna…” Dean’s hand grasped at Sam’s hair, his body tensing as he shouted out, his eyes clenching shut as the wave of orgasm hit him, his come shooting out into Sam’s mouth that’s still pistoning up and down his shaft. His toes curled as he reached the peak and then…. “QUACK!” 

Sam pulled off with a slick pop, his eyes darting up to see Dean’s face - eyes wide as saucers, his mouth open in a perfect ‘O’. He licked his lips, swallowed down the last remnants of Dean’s release, then burst out laughing, rolling off Dean to the other side of the bed, grasping at his sides while tears started streaming from the corners of his eyes. 

“Dude, you…” Sam said once the fit subsided enough to speak. “You quacked!” 

“Shut up, Sam.” Dean threw an arm across his face, trying to hide his own smile, but the trembling of his stomach gave him away, and once Sam saw him laughing, they were both thrown into another fit, each of them clutching their stomachs to hold back the pain. After a few minutes, Dean lowered his arm, letting his hand fall to Sam’s chest, knuckling over the smooth skin. “I still think you would have liked my bill in your ass.”

“God, Dean,  _ no! _ ” Sam turned onto his side, looking at Dean with his face screwed up in disgust.

“Okay, fine, maybe not. Feather play then?” Dean said, lascivious grin on his face, eyes full of laughter as he watched Sam's face grow redder.

“Dean…” Sam rolls his eyes, groaning.

“I'm sure we'd have found some kink of yours to make it work,” Dean teased. Sam rolled his eyes again, leaning over and pressing his lips to Dean’s.

“Shut up, Daffy,” Sam growled into his Dean’s mouth. “Or you’ll get no breadcrumbs for a week.”

Dean started to squawk something in protest, but Sam cut him off, leaning in and kissing him deeper, lingering as he pulled his brother closer, and as Sam's hands began to wander lower once again, Dean forgot all about feathers and bills and quacking and ducks altogether.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the lovely [Dancing_Adrift](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift) for betaing, helping to dig me out of a hole that would have resulted in this sucking, and being the silly friend with whom I can have silly conversations that result in this kind of purely ridiculous writing.
> 
> Comments and constructive criticism always welcome!


End file.
